Llama, Llama, Duck
by Ash Stryder
Summary: Sirius Black poses a very serious question- how did a llama get to Wales?


Disclaimer: I do not have any claims to anything Harry Potter, as it is all the brilliance of the lovely Jo Rowling.

A/N: Another more humorous piece for me. Dark writing comes so much easier, it seems, but sometimes a little light piece is just as nice. The title is taken from the YouTube video "The Llama Song" which went viral ages ago when I was still in high school, but it felt fitting. I've cross posted this for the Snakes and Ladders Competition for James Potter, Disney Character Challenge for "John and Michael Darling" as well as for the Test Your Limits Competition Round 5. Enjoy and feedback is always appreciated!

**Llama, Llama, Duck**

"Oh look James, a llama!"

"Bloody son of a bitch," snarled James, unceremoniously hauling himself out of the murky waters he had apparated into and onto the muddy Welsh shore. Sirius was standing a few feet from the bank quite dry, grinning at a herd of fluffy creatures not far off from the pair. At his friend's outburst, he turned around with an admonishing look.

"Don't talk about your mother that way, Jamie."

James just snarled in response, casting a hasty drying spell that didn't quite reach the soles of his boots. Surveying the valley, James once again questioned why he had agreed to go on this misguided adventure with Sirius. There was a war going on around them and he had a son at home to care for but his will to say no to his childhood friend was practically nonexistent. Plus, reminded a troublesome voice in the corner of his mind, you _enjoy_ these philistine escapades. In a world where every day was a question of whether or not you'd become another statistic and mourned name on an ever-growing laundry list, Sirius's fancies were a nice escape.

"Why d'ya reckon there are llamas in Wales?" Sirius questioned, slowly creeping towards the grazing animals. James was about to make a snappy retort, still agitated by his friends lack of planning during their side-along apparition that caused his soaked state, but his eyes caught on the still singed ends of his friends long locks. Their last mission with the Order had turned into a small ambush by Death Eaters and their team was lucky to make it out with only minor injuries. The familiar feelings of protectiveness and appreciation that he'd been feeling much too often recently flooded his senses and softened his tongue.

"I don't think those are llamas mate," James chuckled as Sirius grew closer to the herd, mimicking instincts ingrained by his animagi. "More like sheep."

"Nonsense, you don't think- GOT YA! You can't escape now! You don't think I know the difference between sheep and llamas?" Sirius was looking at James accusingly, arms around the neck of one of the smaller llamas. The few around the captured llama ran a few feet before slowing and returning to grazing. James briefly worried for the pack around his overly enthusiastic friend as the llama in Sirius's arms was already quieting to his soothing petting.

"I don't doubt your plethora of knowledge on the animal world, Padfoot. We all know you've gotten a bit too friendly in your dog form."

"That never happened, Remus is lying," Sirius wailed, startling the llama again. "But I'm glad you don't doubt my prowess in zoology. This, my uneducated friend, is most definitely a llama."

"Right."

"Aren't you, Dolly?"

"You named the damned thing?"

"Shh! James, not around a lady!" Sirius exclaimed, scandalized. James rolled his eyes, edging around the two.

"Best we be getting on with things? I told Lily we'd be back by supper. Don't tell her I told you, but she's making you your favorite treacle tart."

"Of course, Prongs. But I think we need to find Dolly's owner. Can't be leaving her out here on her lonesome- never know what sort of folk come about these parts and what they'd do to such a sweet llama." James bit back a comment on how the biggest threat to her well being was probably Sirius himself. Instead, for some unfathomable logic, he tried to reason with Sirius.

"Sirius, we are in the middle of a marsh in Wales-"

"Exactly! How did llamas get to Wales? We need to get to the bottom of this! Here, take hold of Dolly and I'll figure out who lives around here." Sirius babbled on about heroics for a few more moments before realizing his friend hadn't moved. Frowning, Sirius turned back towards James. "Jamie, I need you to take Dolly. Weren't you listening at all?" Knowing the danger in that phrase from his fights with Lily, James quickly assured his friend that he in fact had been listening, but still refused to take Dolly. Sirius gave him a disparaging look before sighing. "What, are you afraid of llamas? You know they aren't like bloody hippogriffs, they won't have your arm off if you look at em the wrong way!"

"I'm not afraid of them. I just don't like them," James stated, eyeing the two of them warily. Sirius sighed again, causing James's impatience to grow. "Look, I'm just going to head back to Godric's Hollow. If you want to stay with the sheep-"

"Llamas, James!"

"Alright! Llamas!" James's shouting must have startled the frenzied llama, as Dolly let out a whine and spat. The spew flew the few meters between the llama and James, coming to land in his hair with a wet splat. Sirius was silent for a moment and the hills around them resonated with a tense silence before he burst out in hysterics. Dolly bolted as soon as Sirius let his guard down, running away from the two wizards to the safety of her herd.

"See? I told you she was a llama," Sirius managed to grind out in between bursts of laughter. With a scowl and a better mind to eviscerate his friend, James turned and began stalking away.

"That's it. I'm leaving- and I'm telling Lily not to make you any treacle!"

"Aw Jamie, relax. All you need is a good bath," with a flourish of his want, Sirius sent James head first back into the river. A flock of ducks that had been swimming around the bend at that time flew off affronted, quacking their offenses at Sirius on the shore. Sputtering, James resurfaced to see his friend doubled over. His anger ebbed away at the sight and for a moment he could have sworn they were both back at Hogwarts before worry lines had become permanently etched into their faces. Flinging water at Sirius, James waded out of the water once again.

"Now Lily is definitely not making you treacle."

"Come off it, James. You know she loves me."

"No she doesn't, she thinks you're a scoundrel," James deadpanned, knowing that his wife did have as much of a soft spot for his old friend as he did.

"Ah well, the truth can't be helped," Sirius grinned, flinging an arm around James's shoulder. As his laughter subsided and he gave James a considering look. "Do you think she'd like Dolly to keep all those gnomes out of your garden? Oh hey, Jamie, you think she knows how they got llamas in Wales?"

"No she wouldn't and no one knows how the llamas got there!"


End file.
